Saturday, 26 January 2013

This will make you smile.

Watch it and smile.

Happy weekend!

Friday, 25 January 2013

I am 23.

Not 63. Or 53. Or, even, 33 for that matter. I am 23.

I want to spend my Friday night going to the pub, having a few cheeky drinks with a group of lovely friends, and wobbling home far too late. I then want to spend my Saturday morning cooking a greasy fry-up, sitting on my sofa watching cookery programmes which show recipes I will never cook and then go to the gym before an afternoon of shopping, cinema or some general fun activity. On Saturday night, I then want to go out, drink enough that I want to dance the hours away, not have a massive argument with my boyfriend, who is a vile drunk, and then spend the hours between 2 and 4am on the night bus. This ideal weekend should then be topped off by spending Sunday on the sofa, swearing that I will never drink again, and watching endless repeats of some sitcom one of the satellite channels are showing.

I do not want to spend all three evenings of my weekend stuck in, sitting on the sofa or playing cards. I will repeat, I am not 53.

I do not want to spend all threes days sitting around on the sofa or going shopping, cinema etc on my own. I AM NOT 53.

And, whilst we are at it, I do not want to live with my boyfriend, get married or have children. I AM 23 AND THAT IS OK!!!

In case you were wondering, yes, I am getting quite grumpy. Don't get me wrong, if that's how you want to spend your life and you are happy then great, and I am happy for you, but don't try to make me jealous of your life or drag me into it. It is ok to be 23 and want to go out and enjoy life, but when everyone in my life is either older or settling down, it suddenly doesn't seem ok to act my age! And, please bear in mind that when I say "older", I mean 27/28 ish. Which yes, is not old, but the four or five year difference seems to make such a big difference - everyone that age seems to be fine with spending a whole weekend stuck indoors and acting like 50-something's, rather than going out. I want to go ooooooooooout! *stamps foot like a petulant toddler*

Sunday, 6 January 2013

I really, really hate making decisions.

I know I need to make some decisions, that time of year is coming around again, but I literally do not know where to start. Honestly, I am terrible at decision-making at the best of times, but that is normally because I know what I should do and either don't want to do it or can't be bothered with the hassle, however the decisions I have to make now need to come out of thin air.

Why? Well I am at a stalemate in my life - I have no idea what I want to do in the future. I have wanted to move to London and to be a teacher for as long as I can remember (well, that's not true, I was 8 years old to be precise) and now I've done it and I'm happy and confident in doing it, I have nothing to aim for and nothing to look forward to. It's really getting me down because I'm a very goal-oriented person with no goal to aim for I have gone back to the mopey, procrastinating, complacent idiot I used to be when everything I wanted still seemed a million miles away. I don't want to be that person anymore, and whilst I have managed to, just about, kick-start my life since the turn of the year, I am very aware that we are only just a week into 2013 and that forcing myself will only get me so far - I need some motivation, something to shoot for, and I literally have no idea what I want. I need that drive, that motivation and I have no idea where my life is going.

My head is swimming with question after question after question: Do I want to stay working at the same school? Is there any career progression there for me, and if there is, is it in the direction I want to go? What direction do I even want to move in? What do I stand for? What really drives me to get out of bed in the morning? What do I want from my social life? Is this as good as it will ever get or can I get more out of it? Do I get the most out of my spare time? What do I really want to do with my day, any/all parts of it? How much am I really homesick for Plymouth? How can I avoid being sucked into a 'comfort zone' (which I can already feel happening)?

I desperately need to work out what my next steps are and what I need to do in order to achieve them. I need to make some decisions, soon, to avoid being sucked into a 'comfort zone' which then becomes very hard to get out of. I never want that, never ever ever...

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

My annual letters to the past and future.

Dear 2012 and 2013.

Firstly, 2012, I am very glad that you have gone from my life. You took my confidence, my career, and most importantly, my Grandad, and you left me as a miserable, pathetic excuse for a person - the sort of person I thought I had left behind at sixth form. So, to cut a long story short: 2012, I hate you, you absolute bitch of a year. I never want to see or think about you again. Goodbye.

This means, 2013, me and you have some serious work to do. We are going to forget all of the upset and problems that last year brought and we are going to get back on track. So, here we go (and yes, I am one of those silly people who makes a million new years resolutions, but in my defence, I do usually keep them for at least a month. Some have even stuck for a whole year...):

1) I will stop sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself. Get up and do something, you lazy cow.
2) I will keep my mouth shut at work. Moaning and bitching will get me nowhere.
3) I will find something to do with my free time that makes me happy.
4) I will make friends... Even friend, singular, would be great. (Pathetic, I know)
5) I will make more of an effort to fix things that are wrong with my life, rather than moaning or crying about them.

Let's go, 2013, and fix this ridiculous mess of a life. Starting today and blasting through the next month, let's get the momentum going to make some real change. I cannot have another year like this one, I just can't...