Sunday, 29 January 2012

Chinese new year, London style!

We went to see the celebrations in Chinatown today, and I thought I'd share some of the photos. I won't apologise for my appalling photography skills, you must all be used to it by now!

The start of the parade

Some of the professional dancers

The street decorations in Chinatown...

And some more.

My bag missed so my wish won't come true, but it still looks pretty.

This was a particularly amusing highlight from a free fortune cookie my brother was given.

I love London on days like today, it was so interesting! I learnt so much and saw such amazing things. I wish I could have taken more photos but the crowds made it almost impossible. It was a very good morning though! 

Kung Hei Fat Choi, everyone! 

"So, how's your love life?" Shut up, Nan.

I am now, not only the only single girl left in my group of friends, but also the only single person left in my family.

Being single is just plain sad. When you have to constantly justify the fact that your life is actually fine without a partner in it and when people hear you aren't on a man-hunt, you sound like a spinster. Then you get the questions about your love life from relatives, to which you reply with some element of pride that you don't actually have one, and you get the patronising "aaaaaaww, well, that's ok..." comment which I'm sure spinsters hear all the time.

However, whether or not it is sad, I like being single and whilst I have no intention of changing that any time soon, I don't intend on checking into Spinster Towers. I've met a couple of guys so far this year and I'm enjoying that buzz you get when you first meet someone and you wonder if anything will happen, do they like you etc (the teenage crush feeling). I like flirting, although I'm still dreadful at it, and I like that I'm finding out more about myself and what I actually want from life and relationships.

Plus, I like having butterflies back in my tummy. They haven't been fluttering for a long time...

Saturday, 28 January 2012

An epiphany.

I have been struggling at work recently because, with each day, I realise my vision is different to that of the school. I had decided to keep my head down and try, where possible, to do things my way but this wasn't working out too well and I have been feeling un-motivated, disengaged and generally crap and grumpy at school.

Yesterday, we had a welcome day off from the classroom routine and we went to an NQT conference. It was absolutely fantastic: each session was truly inspirational and they even had one of these airy-fairy-life-coach-type people running a seminar who was not actually airy-fairy and gave us all the boost that we needed, if only because we realised that we are not alone in many respects. (Although it has to be said, our group do seem to be suffering more than others.)

I don't think this was his intention, but in making me re-focus on why I wanted to become a teacher and what I thought teaching would be like, he made me realise that I need to keep my own ideas, that it's ok to feel different about certain things than my school does and that the day I lose sight of my 'ideal' is the day I need to leave teaching.

He shared a quote with us:

"Beware your thoughts, for they become your words
Beware your words, for they become your actions
Beware your actions, for they become your habits
Beware your habits, for they become your character
Beware your character, for therein is your destiny."

This really resonated with me and made me feel better about not agreeing with the vision of my school because, actually, the day I do start to think the way they do, that is the day I become the teacher I don't want to be. If I can't be who I am at my school, then I will move on, but I will not give up trying.

And I made new friends yesterday! A small group of us went from the conference to the pub (actually, that should be plural...) and generally had a lovely evening.

So all in all, I'm feeling back to my normal positive self today. Bring on Monday!

Sunday, 22 January 2012

Tomorrow is the start of a new week.

Last week made the week before look like a holiday. School has been absolutely horrendous, again, and for the first time I actually do not want to go in tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive, something that normally comes easily, and convince myself that a new week, new start and all that jazz but I just can't. I hate my job.

Actually, that's not true. I love my job, I love the kids... I just hate where I'm doing it. I can't begin to explain why, but all I know is that my school is not driven by the kids and that the longer I spend there, the more sorry I feel for the kids.

I mean, I work at a primary school where the children aren't allowed to run on the playground.

Enough said.

But this week will be better. It has to be because I can't have another week like the last two. I will not cry every day, I will stop losing weight because of the stress, I will eat properly and my hair will stop falling out. I will, I will, I will...

Monday, 16 January 2012


What if my being cynical is the very thing which is stopping me from having the things my cynical self is convinced doesn't exist?

What if, because I don't believe in soul mates or any of that crap, I will never find one because I will settle? Maybe that's why I settle in relationships which have never really worked for a variety of reasons. What if relationships aren't actually hard?

What if I don't have relationship issues and I don't hate being vulnerable, but rather I have never been with someone who I'm comfortable being like that with?

What if I continue to think like I currently do and end up settling, never being able to truly open up and spend my whole life wondering "what if?"

I don't know why this occurred to me today, but it did. Maybe I need to change my perspective...

Sunday, 15 January 2012

I haven't disappeared...

Just a short post to say I haven't vanished, however I haven't had Internet access for over a week now. This is no thanks to Sky and their appalling customer service, so instead I treated myself to an iPhone today! I did wonder how long I would resist once I moved to London, everyone has one here!

Anyway, I digress...

Once I'm more fluent in typing and using this app, normal blogging service (and by that I obviously mean moaning) will resume. Hope you are all well, my bloggy friends.

Monday, 2 January 2012


I chose the word 'ruthless' for the title of this post, even though I'm not sure that is fair. I don't think I am ruthless; I think I can be sometimes, but not in a bad way. I'm only ever ruthless with myself.

Why am I chatting on about this? Because I realised something about myself yesterday:

 I always get what I want. Always.

I realised this because I read back over a few of my blog posts from, not only this blog, but my old, private one and I read so many things I said I wanted, things I said I wanted to do, mistakes I wanted to fix. I may have had to wait for it because it may not have happened as quickly as I would have liked, but as soon as I've identified something I want or something I want to do, I will always do it. I will find a way around any obstacles and work my butt off until I finally get there.

I hope that is a sign of my positivity and determination and not plain ruthlessness on my part. I don't think I've ever hurt anyone to get what I wanted? I wouldn't, either, because if something I wanted meant hurting someone then it wouldn't be what I wanted... if that makes sense. I have, in fact, walked away from things in the past because I knew that whilst I wanted it, for whatever reason it meant more to keep someone else happy rather than go for it.

So I don't think I am ruthless, just determined.

And right now, I know what I want next...

How often do you achieve the things you set out to do?