Sunday, 20 November 2011

Being indecisive.

I'm so indecisive, I drive myself mad sometimes. I struggle to decide what to have for my dinner, never mind make a major life decision. I generally wait for a sign, something to really push me one way or the other but if that sign never comes and the situation continues without changing I just cannot make a decision.

I don't think it is cowardice, I just think that I need to be so sure in anything I do that when there is an element of doubt in any way, I am just not able to make a decision. And it's always that same thought which goes through my head - what if I get it wrong? Which is a fairly succinct summary of my mind-set to be honest: everything I do is through fear of someone realising that I'm wrong, useless and a general failure. I believe I've made it through life pretty well hiding this fact until now and so I must be on borrowed time until I make a spectacular mistake. Is this going to be it? Or is my failure to make a decision the mistake?

I realise I'm being a bit cryptic here but, for the reason I've just mentioned, until I've made a decision I don't want to go out on a limb and say what I'm talking about. Let's face it, it is just as likely that within a month it will have all calmed down as it is that I will have acted upon it. But right now I'm hurting, I'm confused and feeling the pressure. Something needs to give somewhere, I just need to decide what...


Now, do I want a green tea or English breakfast to snuggle up with?
Blanket or hot water bottle?
...

2 comments:

Kate said...

I love your blog! I have the same problem with worrying about the future and stuff. It's hard to get out of the stupor of wondering what we should do. I'm indecisive about what to wear to work every day... I've got it bad! haha

If you would like come visit me at http://poppywren.blogspot.com

Tom said...

I think everyone is sort of waiting for signs when making big decisions. I also think we waste allot of time waiting for something that may never come. Food for thought.

Tea and blanket sounds good to me.

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