This last fortnight has been really tough, I've been pushed to the limits in every sense of the word and this weekend I felt the cracks starting to show. I now see the effect 16-hour-days are having when I look in the mirror, I am starting to go down with something and I've lost a stone since September. I'm trying to be the best teacher I can be, make new friends whilst keeping in touch with my old ones, keep up with my family whilst my Grandad is going through his treatment and my Nan feels lonely, as well as be a girlfriend, sleep and eat.
Something had to give, obviously, and given that list I still don't regret my decision that the least important element of my life was my relationship. I thought that for two or three weeks I would have the support and compassion of my boyfriend and that he would be understanding and patient in the knowledge that this wouldn't be forever.
What I did not expect, however, was to have to endure 2 hours of abuse in which I was told I was working too much (because obviously I just waste most of my time and make extra work for myself), NEVER tried in our relationship (and whilst I admit that has been true for a fortnight, that hasn't been true for the rest of the time), was selfish, a chore and didn't care. This continued until he was satisfied he had reduced me to the point of breakdown before he finally chucked me.
I was doing fine until today. Yeah I was busy and stressed and the cracks were starting to show but with a 4-day-week coming up I thought I was getting there and then suddenly I get this.
Men are basically just giant 5-year-olds. Selfish, self-absorbed and always on the verge of a tantrum if the universe doesn't revolve around them.
So back to the single life. Not that I have any time to enjoy it...
3 comments:
Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear this :( It's a shame that your boyfriend couldn't understand the pressure you're going through, but if he couldn't understand and wasn't willing to support you through it, then you're probably better off - at least now you can concentrate on the things that do matter <3
I am sorry to hear about the way your boyfriend handled the situation. I found myself in a similar predicament a couple of years ago with my girlfriend at the time. I'm in engineering and therefore have no time to do anything ever except my schoolwork, and she took my general unavailability as evidence that I did not care and wasn't making an effort. This was certainly not the case, as I spent every single minute of what little spare time that I did have with her, but she wouldn't listen and broke up with me anyway.
So I know where you're coming from, at least in the sense of having had [what seems like] a similar experience. I won't throw the typical platitudes at you, but I do want to say that I can personally assure you that not all men are self-absorbed.
They may seem hard to find, but there are plenty of men out there who are well aware of the fact that the universe does not revolve around them.
But, like Emma said, just try to concentrate on the things that do matter in the meantime. You are such a beautiful person, Claire, and you have a lot going for you right now. Someone who can't support a partner who is devoting as much of his/her energy into being a teacher as you are is certainly not someone who I would want to be with.
I am sorry to hear this... have been missing in blog land for a while due to school stress too! I know it sounds like it's tough now but you are way better without him. You are strong on your own and need someone in your life who supports as an equal and doesn't feel that belittling you is something which should happen. Look at him as a lucky escape and I know that you will find someone so much more worthy of your time and feelings. Enjoy your job and it will help you along! Take care and don't forget about looking after yourself!! x
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