I love my Plymouth girls so much. We've grown up together, known each other for so long I can't remember being without them, but this weekend I think we all realised that actually, now we have grown up (as much as I hate to admit that I'm not still 18...) our friendships have changed.
I came back to Plymouth to see everyone for the first time in 8 weeks but I had missed nothing. No-one has been out on a night out, celebrated anything or even met for a coffee in that time and whilst it's great to think that I haven't missed anything, it was sad to realise that this is how "grown up" friendships actually work: Hardly seeing each other because we're so busy working, so tired when we do meet that we can't be bothered to go out and (the other girls more so than me) spending most of our free time with boyfriends.
I guess this is what growing up feels like, or so my mum said.
Plus, I now feel like the odd one out for not being in a "serious relationship", whatever the hell that means, whereas only 18 months ago I was the odd one for being in one. Because I'm not desperate to get married in the next 2 years or not even in a relationship which is anything more than casual, I now get the patronising, "ahh, well, that's ok..." comments which suddenly make me feel like I'm strange.
Am I strange for not wanting those things yet? For not wanting to be tied down? For wanting to be able to take any opportunity which comes my way without having to worry about someone else? For not wanting to be held back, or potentially hold someone else back? Don't get me wrong, I love being in a couple again but I couldn't go back to the ties and commitments I found myself in before. I've just turned 23 for goodness sake, why am I the odd one out for not being in a rush to grow up? Don't get me wrong, I'm SO happy my friends are happy and feel ready for that commitment, but we're young, surely it's ok not to want that?
I don't really know who I am yet, never mind be sure what I want for the future. That isn't really that unusual, surely?