Saturday, 13 October 2012

I am so, so bored...

I am up and down more than a see-saw at the moment, but basically, my life is crap. This is affecting my mood because I am either wandering around, forcing myself into a bubble of ignorance and pretending that everything is great, or I am fully embracing feeling sorry for myself, crying and moping on the sofa.

To cut a long, self-indulgent rant short, there is nothing massively wrong with my life. In the grand scheme of a word full of poverty, hunger, war, cancer etc, my life is pretty good and I feel guilty for feeling this way but I am just not happy. My relationship is pretty much over (a rant for another day), my confidence is shot, my career is at a stand-still and I have nothing to look forward to. With no prospect of a holiday, or even a significant event in the future (this side of May anyway, and that's a long way away) to keep my spirits up, I am finding every day a struggle - What exactly am I getting out of bed for every day? What do I have to look forward to to make the mundane daily routines bearable?

Answer to that: Sweet fuck all.

I still have no social life, my boyfriend has no time for me (or, rather, is not making time for me - I think he's doing that thing where he pushes me away so I dump him so that he doesn't have to) and life is so incredibly boring I am on the verge of tears even thinking about it. I get up, do the same work routine when I get to school, then teach, then mark, then go home. Nothing more and nothing less, the exact same every day.

Surely, weekends are more exciting? No. Last week I was ill so missed the one social event of the term and all my friends are either in Plymouth or too busy with their real lives to bother with my petulant "I'm booooooooored" whining.

However, last time I thought I may want more drama in my life, I was burgled. So perhaps the moral of the story is to shut up and appreciate the normality of my boring life.

I am actually starting to go mad. I need something to do, some excitement, or at least the prospect of some to get excited about? I could easily scream right now...


Michaela {au naturel design} said...

I (somewhat) understand where you're coming from and you need to take control of your life (something I'm still working on, so I'm trying to take my own advice here too). You need to determine what would make you happy every day? Waking up on a beach? Going to a different job? Taking salsa dancing classes on the weekend??? Whatever it is you cannot wait around for life to happen because it is literally passing you by and you aren't making the most of it or even having fun. The opportunities are endless. The risks or fears might be high but that's what makes it amazing. And if you try something new and fail, you can at least say you tried...and then you try something else. Do it now while you're free to travel and take risks. Create your own destiny. All the best.

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