Monday, 6 August 2012


I have blogged before about being ruthless, and always getting what I want. Not in a bad way, and I have never ever screwed anyone over to get to where I am, I just work hard and know what I need to do to get it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there has been some sucking up through the years, but nothing worse.

Well, right now, I have got, again, exactly what I wanted. I got the promotion I wanted, and I got the year group I wanted for September, even though when I asked for it I was originally told that I couldn't move because as I've just finished my first year of teaching it's best to stay in the same year group to consolidate what was learnt the year before. Fair enough, I thought, or at least until my next run-in with my headteacher.

Basically, I got moved to the year group I actually wanted. Why the change of heart? Because no-one else wanted it and the job came up, so when it came to making life harder for someone (because, as glad as I am, it is hard to teach in a new year group after only one year of teaching) it had to be me. Serves me right for pissing off my headteacher (that's a story I didn't tell on here for obvious reasons, but it happened a while ago. I didn't do anything, but accusations were thrown around and blah blah blah, insertschoolpoliticshere, I am now somewhat in the doghouse).

Oh, and the promotion? Again, I got the promotion I wanted, but because no-one else applied.

So, all in all, yes I have what I wanted. But, without wanting to sound like a spoilt madam, I'm not happy about it. I didn't get what I wanted because I earned it or because I tried hard and worked for it, I got it all through default.

That's not how I want to get anything in my life. I work damned hard, I always try to be the best I can at everything I do (with insanely high expectations, often impossibly high) and that has so far given me everything I want. So right now, I'm pissed off. I hate that I didn't deserve these things.

Don't get me wrong, I will make the best of it and I will show that I did deserve these opportunities, but I shouldn't have to do that in retrospect.

This realisation has somewhat soured the summer for me. I'm not looking forward to September now...

Am I being ungrateful to think this way? I don't know... I don't think I am?


Mei said...

Yay for you! Always celebrate the excitement in life, even if you aren't sure about it!

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