Saturday, 14 May 2011

So it's been a strange few days...

I don't know if anyone caught my blog updating you all on the date I went on the other day (it was caught up in the blogger downtime/posts deleted etc) but I ditched it anyway. I read back over it and I felt that I gave the whole thing much more gravitas than it needed. Don't get me wrong, it was ok, but all in all it was nothing amazing and all I wanted to do was go home and curl up into a ball.

Besides, after all that, I spoke to a girl from my uni course who knows the guy. The conversation went as follows:

Me: I met someone who knows you, [name]. He lives on your street.
Her: Oh yeah! I know his girlfriend!

Anyway, it turned out that he didn't have a girlfriend (although if he did, would have have told me?), not that it mattered, Thursday was a roller-coaster of emotions for other reasons so to be quite honest, I couldn't care less right now.

So Thursday was our last ever day at university as a whole cohort (we have small seminar groups left but otherwise, it's over) and also it was our first one in a while, meaning it was the first time I had seen my ex since we split up in February and lets just say, I'm not as over him as I thought. I really thought I was doing well, but it turns out that seeing him was all it took to reduce me to a sobbing wreck. The whole day was awful, he wouldn't even look at me never mind talk to me, and I just could not handle it. As soon as we left our last seminar I burst into tears, I tried to message him on BBM to see if he'd talk to me but I've obviously been blocked and so instead, I cranked up the self-pity music in the car on the way home and did what I haven't done for years and cried so much it hurt as I drove home. I thought it would make me feel better, crying usually does, but it didn't seem to help and I can't seem to pick myself up again. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I am literally suffering the most ridiculously delayed heartbreak possible.

And I'm sorry, I know this is the most ridiculous load of self-pitying rubbish and is everything I hate about blogging but I needed to vent because tomorrow I have to get up, get over it, get on with my life and try to function as a professional for a few days. And I will, I'm London-bound and that always cheers me up...


little said...

we've all been there. mine was recent and in front of the guy i was dating...not a good way to keep a relationship...just a tip ;)

hope you feel better!

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