Wednesday, 20 July 2011

How did I get here?

How did I go from being confident and independent to sitting in my car crying because my graduation day tomorrow has been pretty much ruined before it's even started? I was doing fine in my little bubble of ignorance back in London, I could keep myself busy so as not to let these thoughts get to me. But now I'm here, it's getting to me. Really, really getting to me.

My Grandparents won't come because they don't want to get in the middle of this crap. My Dad is affectionately referring to the day as "the bloodbath". My Mum is still sulking and can't even muster up some fake pride. My ex-boyfriend will be there and given how stupidly in love with him I still am, despite how much he hurt me, that will really be the cherry on top of the giant shit that will be tomorrow.

I literally feel the lowest I've felt in months, if not years. Tomorrow is the day every horrible thing in my life will be in the same room. For 2 hours, if not longer. And every time I think about it, I cry.

Bring on the next 24 hours. Let's get them over and done with as soon as possible so I can go back to pretending my life is OK, my family aren't messed up and I don't miss that horrible, amazing boy.


little said...

if it were me i would just send a mass message to everyone telling them how important it is to you and you a) want everyone there and b) don't want drama. congratulations regardless! it's your day.

love, little.

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