Another Christmas rant.

Warning: this is another rant. Sorry for so many, but I need the outlet again...

I have realised why I hate Christmas Day.

Christmas isn't about the presents; it's about spending time with your family and people you love. It's about those silly memories everyone has of their grandad falling asleep, of someone getting drunk, of someone dropping the alight Christmas pudding and all that whilst surrounded by people you love.

That's why I hate Christmas Day. No-one really wants me to be there.

Because my mum's boyfriend is the biggest dickhead to ever grace this earth, if I go to my mum's, he refuses to go and she gets pissed off. If I don't go, she misses me and, again, gets pissed off with me. My dad invites me out of pity because of the aforementioned situation. My grandma is roped into Christmas with the other side of the family, and my Nan is with my auntie in Kent. My boyfriend wants me to go one minute and then doesn't the next minute and was probably only inviting me out of pity in the first place, which is hardly making me feel wanted, and as a general sweeping statement, the whole situation is making me feel like absolute crap.

No-one really wants me there for Christmas. My decision lies between where I go, knowing that no one really gives a shit, knowing that whatever I do my mum will be pissed off, and knowing that as a consequence, I will have a shit day anyway.

I cannot think about it without wanting to burst into tears.

I am starting to realise more about why I hate Christmas...

6 weeks today and the crap will be over for another year, thank goodness.

It's November.

Today is November.

Christmas is in December.

STOP WITH THE CHRISTMAS ADVERTS IN NOVEMBER. And I swear to God, if I hear a single Christmas song in the next month, I will go nuts.

Why must people insist on dragging Christmas out? Admittedly, I am an absolute scrooge; I hate the stupid, expensive, commercial reasoning behind my being forced to spend a whole week of my life with my family who I only get on okay-ish with at the best of times. I hate spending my money on things that people don't actually want because I have to, I hate the fact that everyone else always gets excited because they have an awesome time whilst I am going to be going home to a week of boredom because there is nothing else to do, and, most of all, I hate the fact that this stupid season gets dragged out for months before, as if it isn't bad enough anyway.

I hate the fact that my Grandad won't be here this year.

I hate that Christmas makes me feel really alone.

Generally, I hate Christmas: an expensive, pointless way of making people feel like absolute crap.

Rant over.

The best gift ever.

Linking up with Mama Kat's writers workshop today, following the prompt: "The best gift ever!"

Why does my wrapping never look that neat?!

My first thought when I read the prompt was that I should, through the course of writing, come to the conclusion that the best gifts you get are the ones which are free, i.e. love, happiness etc. So I sat and soul searched, rummaged through photos of Christmases and birthdays past to find some inspiration but it turns out that, if I'm being honest, I'm a bit too materialistic to remember most of the "priceless" gifts that I feel like I should be sharing.

Of course I have priceless memories (my Dad dropping the flaming Christmas pudding on the carpet, my Grandad getting drunk and trying to reverse his classic car out of his garage at my birthday party, so many classic nights out with my amazing friends I couldn't recall them all), but I don't consider them gifts as such. Yes, they are the things which make a day memorable, but the presents are the cherry on the cake. Or, at least, they should be. This got me thinking about last Christmas and how the gifts I received really do stick in my mind, but probably for the wrong reasons.

My boyfriend, last year, bought me a whole array of presents, but each one was selected to correct one of my faults. By this I mean that I asked for a new watch so he bought me two, and wrote on the tag that the second one was for when I lose the first one. Charming. And basically, everything in the bag was either to replace things I had lost or broken in the last few months (complete with little gift tag reminding me that he had bought me new ones because I was too useless to have kept the last ones) or gifts I just didn't really get.  So why am I writing about this? Because these presents gave me the gift of knowledge - he didn't love me despite my faults, he liked pointing them out because he was one of those people I tend to attract who need to put other people down to make themselves feel better. I was then able to keep an eye out for more of this, more times when he made me feel shit and eventually things, not through lack of trying, finally came to an end. If only I had paid more attention to the sign, rather than putting up with more attempts to put me down, maybe I would have had a better year. But hindsight is a beautiful thing, and you can only learn from your experience.

The Christmas before that gave me the knowledge that actually, my family didn't know me. The presents they chose were so far away from what I would have chosen for myself that I realised it was no wonder they didn't choose things I would like because I had so badly distanced myself from them. I therefore made it my new years resolution to spend more time with my family. I did, and we're closer than ever, plus, I finally have a non-volatile relationship with my Mum.

So I guess, whilst probably not having approached this writing prompt in the way that was intended, without those presents I would be living a different, potentially worse life. They made me realise what needed to change and I hope now that those things have, this Christmas and my whole future will be better for it.

Or they taught me just to ask for money to buy my own presents in the sales. One of the two...

Reasons that I hate winter.

I chose the blogging alias "Summer" for a reason and that is very simply because I love the summer! I love the sun, the long days, the warmth, the barbeques, the time on the beach, the time spent in beer gardens drinking chilled cider... I really could go on forever. I won't, however, because this post is geared for the exact opposite - an "I hate the winter" rant.

I mean, seriously, who likes winter? All this nonsense about loving to snuggle up indoors is a load of rubbish. The only reason we have to snuggle up indoors with duvets and hot water bottles is because the weather outside is horrible. It's cold, rainy and windy and without looking like the michelin man, there is no way to escape that once you step outside. And yeah, don't get me wrong, being snuggled on the sofa with a hot chocolate and a duvet is great... once in a while. When it becomes a necessity because otherwise it's just too cold to sit there, the novelty very quickly wears off.

I'm not denying it's pretty, just better to look at than
to be outside in.

The short days are the worst, and there is nothing more depressing than getting up in the dark, walking to school in the dark and getting home in the dark. When the only daylight you see is when you are on playground duty you know this is a season that cannot end soon enough. It makes everything harder, particularly getting up, and even the smallest of trips outside becomes the ultimate chore (taking the bins out, walking to the corner shop etc) because not only is the weather foul, but nipping out even for a minute involves putting on layer after layer to avoid completely freezing.

I guess in some ways I could be swayed by the food (when has my stomach not dictated my mood?), because the warm, hearty meals you can indulge in at this time of year are a treat which wouldn't be so pleasant if it weren't for the cold outside. But even that is with its downfall because the heavy food only instills even more lethargy than is already being felt due to the lack of daylight. Bring back the lighter salads any day, as much as I do love a stew.

And please do not get me started on snow. I mean, in what way is snow fun after the first 15 minutes? The whole country grinds to a halt, it's cold, wet and debilitating. Not fun.

Christmas might just save it for me this year, because it's all new being in London and, for the first time since the age of 5, I will be seeing ALL of my family over Christmas. But even so, I'd be much happier doing that in the sun...