Today, I had a good day!

I only ever seem to blog to moan these days. I no longer blog about my life or the things I see for two simple reasons: 1) My life is boring and 2) my life is monotonous.

But today, I had a good day. I felt like today was the culmination of the last year of my life and for the first time, I didn't cock up an opportunity to prove myself - I really did prove myself to be everything I thought I possibly had the potential to maybe be one day. And, before you read on and think that I'm chatting rubbish, if you are not a teacher, this achievement will probably mean nothing to you. It is pretty awesome though.

So hell-to-the-yeah, I finally got an 'outstanding' grading in a lesson observation! I didn't fall to pieces when being observed, I didn't do random stupid things that I have never ever done before but seem to save just for when I'm being watched, I did everything exactly as planned. "Faultless", apparently.


I finally proved I could do it! I knew I could, even when I was told on my final teaching placement during my degree that I should probably find another career path because I was useless at teaching, I knew that being in it for the right reasons, having a clear idea of the sort of teacher I wanted to be and putting in (a lot!) of hard work would pay off. I knew I could be that teacher, I bloody-well knew it and right now I am so, so happy. I know that this isn't it, that I have lots to do because that is only in two subjects, but still, it proves I can do it and I am amazingly happy about it.

So, a non-moaning blog post! Proud or what? :D

Exhausted.

I have never, ever felt totally worn out before. That is, until today.

Yes, I've been the sort of tired when you can barely hold your eyes open, but I've never felt this drained of energy before and been in a position where you just have to keep powering on. And yes, I've felt ill before, but I've never felt ill purely because I have absolutely no energy left. I can almost feel myself getting more and more ill with each passing hour, as if my body has nothing left to keep the manky child germs at bay.

I am tired like I have never known before. I've become an emotional bag of crazy as a consequence and the combination of the two are not doing much for my career. I cried to my headteacher today for taking a table away from my classroom (ok, the story has slightly more to it than that but of course I can't break confidentiality) and so, generally, am making myself look like a complete idiot. All because I'm tired.

My 'New Years Resolution', the one I set at the start of the school year, was to have a work-life balance this year. It is, however, more stress than it is worth. It means I'm trying to do everything - be the sort of teacher I want to be, have a social life and take up a new hobby - I literally cannot do everything and it is completely crushing me.

So, I have had to take a step back this evening. I literally walked away from it all, walked home and have been sat on my sofa, moving only to retrieve a crappy (but yum) ready-meal from the microwave and to go and have a nice long, hot bath. Kindle, laptop and rubbishy telly. My headache has gone, I'm not on the verge of tears and I can actually face the thought of going to school tomorrow.

Much better. However, I am going to bed now...

Default

I have blogged before about being ruthless, and always getting what I want. Not in a bad way, and I have never ever screwed anyone over to get to where I am, I just work hard and know what I need to do to get it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there has been some sucking up through the years, but nothing worse.

Well, right now, I have got, again, exactly what I wanted. I got the promotion I wanted, and I got the year group I wanted for September, even though when I asked for it I was originally told that I couldn't move because as I've just finished my first year of teaching it's best to stay in the same year group to consolidate what was learnt the year before. Fair enough, I thought, or at least until my next run-in with my headteacher.

Basically, I got moved to the year group I actually wanted. Why the change of heart? Because no-one else wanted it and the job came up, so when it came to making life harder for someone (because, as glad as I am, it is hard to teach in a new year group after only one year of teaching) it had to be me. Serves me right for pissing off my headteacher (that's a story I didn't tell on here for obvious reasons, but it happened a while ago. I didn't do anything, but accusations were thrown around and blah blah blah, insertschoolpoliticshere, I am now somewhat in the doghouse).

Oh, and the promotion? Again, I got the promotion I wanted, but because no-one else applied.

So, all in all, yes I have what I wanted. But, without wanting to sound like a spoilt madam, I'm not happy about it. I didn't get what I wanted because I earned it or because I tried hard and worked for it, I got it all through default.

That's not how I want to get anything in my life. I work damned hard, I always try to be the best I can at everything I do (with insanely high expectations, often impossibly high) and that has so far given me everything I want. So right now, I'm pissed off. I hate that I didn't deserve these things.

Don't get me wrong, I will make the best of it and I will show that I did deserve these opportunities, but I shouldn't have to do that in retrospect.

This realisation has somewhat soured the summer for me. I'm not looking forward to September now...

Am I being ungrateful to think this way? I don't know... I don't think I am?

I don't trust myself.

I don't trust my gut instinct anymore.

I am very aware of the fact that I have felt similar to this before about a guy and then had my whole life completely ruined by him. Which may sound like an exaggeration, but he took everything: my home, money, dignity, sense of self worth... You name it, and he took it.

And now I'm worried that I have met someone who I genuinely believe is amazing. He's not my type, but with my previous record, that can surely only be a good thing and everything, right now, is... perfect. Everything from how compatible we are to the timing of it all and what we want from life/a relationship are in sync, and it suddenly seems so easy. Relationships have always been hard, stressful, a balancing act but this doesn't feel like that. It's easy and natural and all my gut instincts are screaming that this is right yet my brain keeps saying "ah yes, but remember the last one. You thought he was ok too. And the one before that..."  Don't get me wrong, I feel completely different about this one (don't ask me how it's different, it just is), but still, there's a part of me which doesn't want to get too close yet just in case I'm wrong. Again.

Because, let's face it, when I get things wrong I get them spectacularly wrong. This is why I don't make decisions, because I'm absolutely dreadful at them.

And with the prospect of a new job offer in the next 3 weeks, I have another life-changing decision to make. In theory, it's my dream job, but it isn't the easy choice. The easy choice would be to stay put at a school I like 3/5 days a week, rather than go for the only job I have ever enjoyed 5/5 days.

It may seem pointless me talking about this when I haven't had the interview yet, and in fact, I haven't even applied. But one of our headteachers has been seconded to run a federation of schools and this is one of them so I've already been told if I want the job, it's mine. This means that at the point I decide to apply, the decision is made. I'm procrastinating from the decision until after half term, but it's funny how time flies when you don't want it to. Half term will be over in a heartbeat and I'll have to decide: to go or not to go, to stay at my school for another year (because another year would be more than enough) and consolidate what I have achieved there, or skip my plan ahead a year and take one of only 2 jobs in the borough which are what I want to do.

I HATE MAKING DECISIONS.

*has a tantrum*

An epiphany.

I have been struggling at work recently because, with each day, I realise my vision is different to that of the school. I had decided to keep my head down and try, where possible, to do things my way but this wasn't working out too well and I have been feeling un-motivated, disengaged and generally crap and grumpy at school.

Yesterday, we had a welcome day off from the classroom routine and we went to an NQT conference. It was absolutely fantastic: each session was truly inspirational and they even had one of these airy-fairy-life-coach-type people running a seminar who was not actually airy-fairy and gave us all the boost that we needed, if only because we realised that we are not alone in many respects. (Although it has to be said, our group do seem to be suffering more than others.)

I don't think this was his intention, but in making me re-focus on why I wanted to become a teacher and what I thought teaching would be like, he made me realise that I need to keep my own ideas, that it's ok to feel different about certain things than my school does and that the day I lose sight of my 'ideal' is the day I need to leave teaching.

He shared a quote with us:

"Beware your thoughts, for they become your words

Beware your words, for they become your actions

Beware your actions, for they become your habits

Beware your habits, for they become your character

Beware your character, for therein is your destiny."

This really resonated with me and made me feel better about not agreeing with the vision of my school because, actually, the day I do start to think the way they do, that is the day I become the teacher I don't want to be. If I can't be who I am at my school, then I will move on, but I will not give up trying.

And I made new friends yesterday! A small group of us went from the conference to the pub (actually, that should be plural...) and generally had a lovely evening.

So all in all, I'm feeling back to my normal positive self today. Bring on Monday!

Tomorrow is the start of a new week.

Last week made the week before look like a holiday. School has been absolutely horrendous, again, and for the first time I actually do not want to go in tomorrow. I'm trying to stay positive, something that normally comes easily, and convince myself that a new week, new start and all that jazz but I just can't. I hate my job.

Actually, that's not true. I love my job, I love the kids... I just hate where I'm doing it. I can't begin to explain why, but all I know is that my school is not driven by the kids and that the longer I spend there, the more sorry I feel for the kids.

I mean, I work at a primary school where the children aren't allowed to run on the playground.

Enough said.

But this week will be better. It has to be because I can't have another week like the last two. I will not cry every day, I will stop losing weight because of the stress, I will eat properly and my hair will stop falling out. I will, I will, I will...

Theology according to seven-year-olds.

Another little gem from some children in my class.

Child A: "I wonder who will win next week. I bet it will be the boys."
Child B: "You don't know that, only God knows."
Child A: "Yeah but God is getting really old. That's why he doesn't look after everyone very well any more and why there are lots of hungry children and bad things that happen."
Child B: "Oh that makes sense, because I was wondering why if God was so nice why horrible things happened."
Child A: "Well now you know for sure."
Child B: "Yeah, thanks for that."

Only a seven-year-old could come up with such a flawless explanation. I love them!

Hopping about on crutches...

I've been stuck on crutches now since Saturday and whilst I can at least put my foot down now, realistically, I'm going to be stuck on the bloody things for the rest of the week. And it is driving me slightly mental.

Hopping mad, actually. Couldn't ignore the obvious pun, sorry.

But seriously, it has been a very revealing few days.

1) London hospitals are much more efficient than Devon ones. I was in and out of A&E within two hours on Saturday, saw the same doctor the entire way through and he even remembered my name. Much kudos to the NHS South London.

2) People are generally kind and courteous in that they will hold doors open, provide lifts etc, but only if it suits them. If it involves leaving someone alone with a class of 30 children whilst unable to walk so that you can keep your own teaching assistant to do your sticking in, people will choose the sticking in rather than helping. My so-called colleagues have made me cry so many times this week I've pretty much lost count and just plain stopped leaving my classroom. I hate that place this right now.

3) People apply health and safety rules when it suits them. We have a culture in this country of being too scared to do lots of things in case of health and safety concerns but if it means paying for a supply teacher, no-one cares. Get in to school, teach PE, keep doing playground duty... oh, but cancel your school trip and make your children cry because you had spent all term getting them excited for meeting a real Roman and going to a real Roman town and now you're not going. Because it's fine to be a health and safety/fire hazard when you are in school, but don't show us up outside of school.

4) There is a nice sense of camaraderie between people who find walking etc difficult. It's the first and only time that a stranger has spontaneously spoken to me in London just for a chat and to exchange stories.

5) Walking with crutches is the best way to get around central London markets on Sundays. People move out of the way, part a path to any stall you want to get to, you always get a seat on the tube, bus and train.

Every cloud has a silver lining...

Easy like a Sunday morning.

The most depressing feeling is waking up on a Sunday morning, thinking "ahh, bliss, another day off", before realising that actually, your job has taken over so much of what you do that you will spend the entire day doing work.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job but man do I need to reclaim my weekends. I already work 12-hour days plus marking at home during the week and, seriously, I cannot do this six days a week without burning out pretty soon. I'm already starting to feel the pressure and the stress and whilst that comes with the job, I need to be able to leave that at the door on Friday evenings to chill out, recover and regroup over the weekend ready to be the best teacher I can be for the kids on Monday morning. And right now, with things as they are, I can't imagine being the most amazing teacher tomorrow because the stress makes me feel like the teaching is the inconvenient bit between the paperwork and marking and that is not a good attitude to have.

So, as much as it sucks, I'll work all day today and get everything done for the week. Then, this week, I can get ready for next week and hopefully, reclaim my weekend.

Actually, I'm going to go and make plans for the entire of next weekend to make sure that I am too busy to do much work. If that doesn't give me a kick up the backside to get on with my work this weekend then I don't know what will.

Note to self (because I seem to have forgotten)
Weekends should involve...

• Lazy lie-ins on BOTH days;
• Yummy, indulgent breakfasts (I'm feeling the love for american-style pancakes);
• Seeing the boyfriend AND seeing my friends (not one or the other);
• A lazy nandos lunch;
• A cheeky bit of post-pay day shopping;
• Sitting, at some point, and just doing nothing;
• A long, indulgent bath with bubbles;
• Catching up with the family via phone/skype etc.

I can't fricking wait...

What would your ideal weekend involve?

I wish I could record more of this.

This last few weeks have been absolutely amazing. There have been ups, downs, more ups and more spectacular lows. I just wish I could record more of what happens but I neither have the time nor am I actually allowed which is a shame because I've had some spectacular things to deal with so far and, after only two weeks of teaching, I can definitely say without a shadow of a doubt that teaching is the career I always thought it would be. Fricking awesome. Don't get me wrong, I'm stressed and beginning to wonder if I will ever have free time again, but every minute of what I do is absolutely amazing.

My particular set up is, of course, not without it's frustrations. The main one being my year group colleague who I of course cannot bitch about offline for want of being professional, but he really is doing my head in. He's struggling, big time, and it's getting on my nerves because he's dragging me down with him. It takes him over 2 hours to prepare for one lesson, he re-does the planning we do together over and over and over again for absolutely no reason and then spends the rest of his time crying to various members of staff about how he is struggling and how we have been put in an impossible position because we are both newly qualified in our year group. No, we have been put in an amazing position to show what we know and to become amazing teachers, and you whinging and bitching about it is making me look bad too. He's actually having his planning done for him for the rest of the term, so I have to do my half and then he does... not a lot. And I'm fuming. Although at least I will get the planning in advance, rather than the day of the lesson which makes differentiating further for my own class impossible.

To be honest, it is a sink-or-swim situation, and I wish he'd hurry up and do one or the other. Otherwise, we're going to have issues.

Anyway, rant over.

So I thought I'd leave you with a couple of gems from my class:

Me: "What is a thesaurus?"
Child: "It's a dinosaur"


Me: "So what colour are you going to need for your camel?"
Child: "Camels are brown because they don't drink much water. Like when plants have no water."


Museum guide: "They used to sell all of this jewellery to earn lots of..."
29 children: "MONEY!"
Child: "FISH!"


Me: "Why did the Romans want to invade London?"
Child A: "Because they wanted to go on the London eye"
Child B: "No, the London eye wasn't invented then. They wanted to see Big Ben"
Child A: "Oh yeah, I bet they liked the Royal wedding"
Child C: "Will they invade for the Olympics?"


Not sure if I should laugh at that last one or worry about my teaching...

My first day has been and gone...

Twelve hours, three panic attacks later and having sat and cried for at least two hours at various points throughout the day and evening, my first day as an actual teacher is over.

It was awful. I forgot the one thing I really, desperately needed to remember.

Plus, my class are... challenging. To say the least.

And I'm overwhelmed and don't think I can actually do it. There's so much to remember, so much to do and the teaching bit of things seems to take up such a small part of the day and is almost 'that annoying thing you do between paperwork'. Teaching really is the easy bit, and I never thought I'd say that.

Anyway, back to the marking. And target setting (despite not knowing the kids or even their names yet). And lesson resourcing. And lesson planning for next week. And tracking. And sorting out my NQT file. Maybe I'll just curl up in the foetal position instead.

Shit.

Is there anyone else with any "awful first day" stories to share? I could do with the "you're not alone" sense of camaraderie which I get from my lovely readers...

New routines.

I have a desperate need to have a routine. When my boyfriend is here or I stay at his, I can cope out of my routine for three days absolute maximum before I start getting anxious so it's been great over the last couple of days to settle, finally, into a routine again. It's just mornings really, at night other than turning the lights off and snuggling with a cup of tea for half an hour before bed time, I tend to do whatever takes my fancy but in the mornings, if I'm not in my routine, I tend to spend lots of time fussing and faffing before getting nothing done. Then I get anxious.

And lie-ins stress me out anyway, they are such a waste of a day and this really bothers me during the holidays. Clearly I am weird for thinking this but give me an early night and an early morning any day.

So this morning I started over, set an alarm and despite it being the school holidays, got up as if it were a school day.

This is every weekday morning for the rest of the year:

6:30 - wake up
6:45 - wash, get dressed and straighten hair
7:00 - take vitamins with a glass of orange juice whilst the kettle boils to make a cup of tea. Prepare breakfast whilst tea is brewing. Eat breakfast, sit and chill with a cup of tea and some breakfast telly.
7:20 - clean teeth and (if bothering) put on makeup
7:35 - walk to school
7:45 - arrive at school

I then finally got home from school at 7pm. For the fourth day in a row, and the eighth day in total for the holidays.

Didn't someone once tell me teachers get 6 weeks holiday a year? Who are these mythical teachers and where can I get their job...

Two weeks to go...

This time in two weeks, I will have woken up after an awful night's sleep (more than likely). I will have danced my way around the flat with excitement. I will then have picked up my keys with shoes, bag and coat on and ready, stood at my front door and realised what I'm actually going to do and then, probably, cry.

This time in two weeks, I will have gotten over that panic attack (or at least will be doing a fricking good job of pretending I'm calm) and walked to school. I will busy myself with a few odd jobs which won't need doing because everything is already sorted for the first day. Then I will go out to the playground and collect my class.

My class. With 29 real, live children. Children who are my responsibility. Not just to keep them safe, but to actually manage them and oh my goodness is that going to be a challenge and a half and then, on top of all that, I actually have to teach them things.

I'm fairly certain I don't know how to teach.

Shit.

/panic

So, today I start my health-kick!

Being in London has really messed me up. My diet has gone to pot; I haven't done any exercise other than walking and the one day's cycling round London; I can't afford a hair-cut, nor have I found a decent hairdresser who can style my hair in any way other than an afro or corn-rows (a consequence of living in a predominantly black-african/black-carribean area)... generally, I'm a state! My hair, my skin, my energy levels are all generally dreadful so I need to get back to being healthy.

I kick-started this this morning by whipping up a nice big pot of carrot, lentil and coriander soup for my lunch, I've planned my meals for the rest of the week to keep healthy when my friend comes to visit and I've found the details of the kick boxing club near me which I can join. I used to do kick boxing a while ago but when my school closed I couldn't carry on so when I saw the same chain of schools had a club near me, I became very excited. I love doing it so much, it's a killer workout and such a confidence boost and, of course, means I can finally get my black belt! I'm only about a year away if I really get training... might even have a cheeky practice tonight and kick-box my way round my front room before I have a nice long bath, deep-condition my hair and generally sort out the state that is, well, me.

All this as well as having cleaned the entire flat this morning and, at some point, starting the massive to-do list to get my classroom ready for September. It's already looking better now I've moved the furniture to where I want it and put up the backing paper and boarders for my displays but it's still looking empty and lacking in personality (despite the 20 hours I put in there last week - anyone who says teachers get 6 weeks holiday clearly has no idea...). Once my friend goes home next week it really will be time to get going and blitz that place, and I can probably fit in 5 hours before I go and pick her up at 1pm on Monday anyway. For now, though, I shall get back to my laminating and VCOP pyramids...

An overdue update.

This last week at school has been more than busy! In fact, it has been borerline overwhelming at times and in our little group of new teachers we've had tears, tantrums, panic attacks... the lot. I can only hope September comes with much less of a shock as we start to settle in to school.

The school itself is lovely. All the staff are helpful, welcoming and always full of advice and tips, if only it were possible to remember everything we've been told. The ethos of the school and the teaching that results, however, is very different to what I'm used to but, at the end of the day, this is an 'outstanding' school for a reason and if it helps me tog row into the 'outstanding' teacher I want to be then all the better. Hopefully, within a few weeks, their way of doing things, their behaviour policies and timetabling will all become second nature and it will become easier. Or rather, I hope so because, if I show even a moment of weakness, my class will eat me alive.

And as for my new class, they will make or break me. And at the very least they will challenge me in every way possible: behaviour, academic, social issues, language, religion... all very different to what I am used to. Fingers crossed that by going in strict and military (quote from the current class teacher) in September, I can set the appropriate boundaries to be able to bring about the best learning.

Hopefully.

Meanwhile, this weekend was a big mistake. I don't want to talk about it because I don't want to think about it. I just want to pretend it never happened, to be quite honest. I knew it was going to be a bad idea before it happened, so why I didn't I stop it? Bloody stupid girl, getting in too deep as always. Note to self: always trust my gut instinct in future. It's always right.

And, as it turns out, I can't replace you. It is you I miss, not just having 'someone'.

I want a 'you' cuddle.

Paperwork.

I knew teaching was a lot of paperwork, I just had no idea how much. Today we have been absolutely bombarded with planning proformas, assessment files, IEPs, pupil trackers, CEDPs, CPD files... so many other pieces of paper which I can't even remember to list. I arrived with a bag and left with a box, which pretty much sums up probably the rest of my life, never mind just my day! It's going to be a very busy and very intense year, and I cannot wait.

I saw my classroom today too for the first time. My classroom, mine of my very own to do with what I like, and I'm now counting down the days until I can get in there and start decorating away 'til my heart's content.

All in all, a very exciting, very busy and slightly overwhelming but amazing day.



I'm an actual teacher. Still can't believe it...

My 9-year-old self would be so proud of me.

Tomorrow I start work at an actual school. As a teacher. As a paid, real teacher.

And I'm just ever-so-slightly excited...

It may be the single most exciting thing that has ever happened to me! Every single decision I have made in the last six years has been leading up to tomorrow, and tomorrow I get to become to person I have always dreamed of. When I was nine years old, I decided I wanted to become a teacher and if that little-me could see me now, she'd be so proud to see I achieved my absolute dream job. Although I doubt she'd be surprised, I've always had a severe determined streak to my personality. Generally what I want, I get. Not in a bad way, I just know what I want and never give up. It's one of the few personality traits I wouldn't change about myself because without it, I wouldn't be sat here today.

And even better, it will give me something to do to take the focus away from this strange delayed heartbreak I seem to be suffering two months after the break-up. No idea why it's hitting me now, but I won't dwell on it. Again.

So, back to the point of this post...

I FRICKING DID IT!

Wish me luck!

Today has been an epic see-saw of a day...

10:30am - Time to collect results. Disappointed with my dissertation mark, but not surprised.
10:35am - Pick up module results for the final 2 modules. Only, one has gone missing.
11:20am - Still no sign of my assignment, despite four different people now scouring the university for it. all lecturers on strike today.
12:05pm - My friends all go out for lunch without inviting me. "Friends"
12:20pm - Realise the ramifications of them having lost my work if it doesn't get found. Lots of tears.
12:21pm - Send panicky email to module leader. She says she is on the case.
1:45pm - Results emailed through. Gutted, actually, gutted. I've been bordering on a first for my entire degree and slip up at the final hurdle. 2:1 it is then.
1:46pm - My school ring. They have had a teacher pull out for September and wonder if I would perhaps like to teach year 3 instead next year. Very happy, year 3s are my ideal year group and I could not be happier!
2:50pm - My headteacher rings to tell me about a dangerous, nasty family who live on my road. And oh yeah, their son is in my class.

What a fucking, awful day. Excuse my French.

Bollocks.

The "goodbye"s have started.

I said my first goodbye last night, to my Rainbow and Brownie unit, after we realised we would have to cancel next week's meeting. It was really very sad, I love those crazy little kids and I'll miss them and our adventures. In the last three years we've been on pack-holidays, we've had an over-night stay at the National Marine Aquarium and we've spent days at theme parks, making dens, carol singing, going to jamborees... I could sit and list the things we've done all night, and just feel more and more sad with each minute. I really will miss them and the other leaders. To say my Tuesday nights will feel empty now may only be a slight over-exaggeration.

One of the girls in particular I will miss, S. I've known her since she was a Rainbow and I've watched her grow up despite her battles. She has severe ADHD and this has always meant she has struggled to integrate. She latched on to me a couple of years ago and I've had the privilege of working with her since then, either encouraging her participation or finding other things for us to do. We've had some fun making things from kilts to fairy dust and, acting on the spur-of-the-moment, running around the church doing crayon rubbings, and it's so nice as a teacher to have time like this with a child like her - if she were in my class I would, more than likely, be so concerned that her reading and writing were below expectation that I would never have time to embrace her interests and channel her creativity like this and we have had the most fun doing it.

Maybe that's a point for my future professional development, maybe I need to approach children like her in this way despite the formal education which would only ever constrain her progress. Maybe I should treat all children like S sometimes and just give them time to do what they want. Although in the foundation stage things tend to be more like this, but it's still a point I need to consider for next year. And maybe, just maybe, I should take a life lesson from her and give myself time to just do what I want, rather than feeling the need to fit into a routine. I know routines are one of my anxiety-management strategies, but maybe it's time to push past this and embrace life and it's spontaneity. Maybe S has helped me more than I will ever help her.

This is exactly why I love working with children.

And this is exactly why I'm not done with my voluntary work yet. Yes, it will be taking a hiatus for the next few years for my career to take full focus, but I will come back to it. Children keep you young, they keep things interesting and they open doors you forgot were even there. So call it a goodbye, but it's only a goodbye for now. This lot will all be grown up by the time I come around again, but I will go back. Girl guiding is a wonderful organisation, it brings so much to children and I'd highly recommend volunteering - it will bring a lot to you too.

I'll miss all of you sweethearts.

People are just plain rude.

Since when did we become a society which does not value manners? Or maybe the question should be, since when did being an adult mean that you don't need to bother with the basic manners your Nans, Grandmas and Mums spent years drilling into you as a little child? Or if they didn't drill them into you, why not?

Manners are such a pet hate of mine with children, or rather the lack of. When I'm teaching and doing my voluntary work at Rainbows and Brownies, I always insist the children say "please" when they want something and then "thank you" when they get it, and the Brownies in particular are dreadful at it and nearly always need prompting with, "what's the magic word?" However, most of them learnt that they have to be polite to me to get anything after I shouted at one girl (and bearing in mind this is one of only two times I've ever shouted at a child) after:

Child: "I need some sellotape"
Me: "That's not a question."
Child: "Can I have some sellotape?"
Me: "What's the magic word?"
Child: "Now."

Ok, so most children are not that cheeky, but so few of them use their basic manners without prompting, and as for them interrupting other people, their manners are pretty much non-existent, even by ages 8 or 9. And whilst that used to surprise me, it's come to my attention recently that there are so many grown-ups who don't uphold the same manners and respect, so it's no real wonder that the children of today aren't learning their basic "please" and "thank you".

I have been particularly wound up by my family regarding this. My brother has returned from university as such a pretentious, rude little git that he talks over me, demands things without so much as even one 'magic word' and doesn't bother with basic courtesy of letting us know where he is, before coming home late and making my Mum cook his dinner. My Mum isn't much better: twice today she's told me to do various things without a  "please", and yesterday I made a journey out to buy guinea pig food after she forgot, not to get a "thank you" for that either.

Manners really do cost nothing, and a lack of them does put you very far down in my esteem. However, perhaps this isn't a commonly-held ideal any more, maybe we're going the way of the French who always comment on our manners because they don't bother and maybe being polite and nice to each other is a dying art.

Is it just me who feels like this? I know I'm in a particularly bad mood at the moment, (my brother, for talking over me, got severely shouted at and had the remote lobbed at his smug face, which actually shut him up for the first time ever) so I'm aware I may be being more sensitive to these things, but it can't just be me who is wound up by this sort of thing, and it's something which has persistently bothered me with children.

So I'm going to have a 'manners' award for my class when I'm teaching next year, I'm going to break the back of this rude epidemic 30 children at a time and I'm going to reward politeness as if it's the greatest asset in the world. Which, I genuinely believe, it is.