My annual letters to the past and future.

Dear 2012 and 2013.

Firstly, 2012, I am very glad that you have gone from my life. You took my confidence, my career, and most importantly, my Grandad, and you left me as a miserable, pathetic excuse for a person - the sort of person I thought I had left behind at sixth form. So, to cut a long story short: 2012, I hate you, you absolute bitch of a year. I never want to see or think about you again. Goodbye.

This means, 2013, me and you have some serious work to do. We are going to forget all of the upset and problems that last year brought and we are going to get back on track. So, here we go (and yes, I am one of those silly people who makes a million new years resolutions, but in my defence, I do usually keep them for at least a month. Some have even stuck for a whole year...):

1) I will stop sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself. Get up and do something, you lazy cow.
2) I will keep my mouth shut at work. Moaning and bitching will get me nowhere.
3) I will find something to do with my free time that makes me happy.
4) I will make friends... Even friend, singular, would be great. (Pathetic, I know)
5) I will make more of an effort to fix things that are wrong with my life, rather than moaning or crying about them.

Let's go, 2013, and fix this ridiculous mess of a life. Starting today and blasting through the next month, let's get the momentum going to make some real change. I cannot have another year like this one, I just can't...

Today, I had a good day!

I only ever seem to blog to moan these days. I no longer blog about my life or the things I see for two simple reasons: 1) My life is boring and 2) my life is monotonous.

But today, I had a good day. I felt like today was the culmination of the last year of my life and for the first time, I didn't cock up an opportunity to prove myself - I really did prove myself to be everything I thought I possibly had the potential to maybe be one day. And, before you read on and think that I'm chatting rubbish, if you are not a teacher, this achievement will probably mean nothing to you. It is pretty awesome though.

So hell-to-the-yeah, I finally got an 'outstanding' grading in a lesson observation! I didn't fall to pieces when being observed, I didn't do random stupid things that I have never ever done before but seem to save just for when I'm being watched, I did everything exactly as planned. "Faultless", apparently.


I finally proved I could do it! I knew I could, even when I was told on my final teaching placement during my degree that I should probably find another career path because I was useless at teaching, I knew that being in it for the right reasons, having a clear idea of the sort of teacher I wanted to be and putting in (a lot!) of hard work would pay off. I knew I could be that teacher, I bloody-well knew it and right now I am so, so happy. I know that this isn't it, that I have lots to do because that is only in two subjects, but still, it proves I can do it and I am amazingly happy about it.

So, a non-moaning blog post! Proud or what? :D

Resolutions, resolutions, resolutions.

So, it's that time again and yes, they may have all gone to pot by the end of January (if you're extra good), but I'm a firm believer in New Years resolutions. The change of the year forces us to reflect on the past year and think about how to make the next year better, and resolutions provide just that bit more focus.

However, I don't buy into the whole "self-improvement" thing. I think putting pressure on yourself like that only sets you up to fail and forces you to put pressure on yourself which in turn makes the thing you strive for more difficult. So, this year, my new year resolutions are simple:

• To smile more often;
• To live in and enjoy the present;
• To make more time for myself.

I want to remember this feeling, the one I have today, feeling completely happy and content. I want every day to be like that and to do whatever I need to to make that happen. Taking more time for myself I guess comes into that, but that also involves making sure I see more of the people who make my life special, do more of the things I love and do more of the things that I want to do. I want to be on my own, loving every second of this year as I find out more about myself, watch my best friends get married, take steps in my career and really settle in my new life. I want to be happy, all day every day and make sure I don't get stuck in another rut with someone or doing something that brings me down.

2012 is the year of the selfish... Bring it on!

I knew this would be my year.

I've only been 22 for a month, and after the rubbish years I've had recently I decided on my 22nd that this would be my year and that I'd do anything I had to to make it amazing.

At 7pm on my birthday, I had a phone-call from my school offering me an interview and within five days I had the job. That was the start of my year and so far, although it's only been a month, it's been a good one. I have something to be excited about again, I have aims and dreams for the first time in years and I can see the next few months of my life folding out before my eyes in exactly the way I always dreamed it would - this year I will be a teacher, I will be finally moving out, I will be living in London, I don't have the hassle of men and my life is truly mine for the first time. I knew this year would be good, but I didn't expect it all so soon!

I know that having a job secured for September probably has a lot to do with how I'm feeling right now, but my whole attitude to life changed when I decided to change it on my birthday. I've always been living life passively, believing that life is something that happens to you, that you need luck and fate on your side to get by and that all it took was patience but that's so not true. Life is something that you have to create for yourself, opportunities don't fall on your lap and good things don't happen unless you initiate them and let them happen. I've stopped believing in fate, I believe in grabbing hold of your life and steering it yourself and I think that's why I feel so much more positive now. If only because I'm a control-freak and I now feel like I'm in control of my own life or because I'm about to graduate and have freedom and choice in my sight, either way I'm feeling happier and the future suddenly seems much more bright.

So bring on my year, bring on the next six months in particular and bring on a new wealth of opportunities! In case you couldn't tell, my mood has picked right up from the end of last week...

On a slightly related note, I need to start pushing my way through my list of new years resolutions from January. Lots of new things I want to do this year, need to get a move on with doing some of these things!