I can see clearly now my brain has gone.

I still remember singing that line over the real lyrics in primary school singing assembly and it still makes me laugh.

In all seriousness, I am much clearer on things now than I was yesterday. Thank you so much to everyone who commented and reassured me that I was at least, in some parts, right and that I should not settle for someone who was settling with me... if that makes sense.

I had a discussion with him last night about it all, and he was upset that I had been upset by it. He told me that we don't need words and names to describe how we're feeling because he knows that he likes me more than he has ever liked anyone before, that I'm the only person he's ever wanted to see as much, the only person he has ever enjoyed sleeping in the same bed with and the only person things have ever felt this easy with. Whether I believe him or not, he knows that he loves me and that even if I don't believe him now that he's going to convince me.

He is so right (although don't tell him that I said that). We're both happy, that's all that matters.

I'm more than happy. They haven't invented words for how happy I am with things so far. We just fit, we want the same things from life and each other, we feel the same things and that's what's important. Not the words that we put on things.

So, I'm officially signing my brain out of this relationship. Clearly when I over-think the things he says, I end up more confused. If I'm confused or upset, I'll ask, rather than stew on it for a few hours before asking him. He doesn't always mean the things that he says in the way they come across, so really, what's the point in worrying when there is probably nothing to worry about?

So, thanks brain. You've served me well thus far but I think we are pretty much done here.

(Maybe jump in if I'm about to do something stupid though, yeah? Don't let me ignore any red-alerts...)

This is what Saturdays are for.

Lie in.

Going to the gym.

Shopping.

Baking/cooking.

Pyjamas.

TV.

A pile of magazines.

Falling asleep to a film.

Just perfect, even on my own.


I'm proud of myself for having learnt how to have free time on my own. I've always enjoyed my own company in small doses, but usually after a few hours I tend to find myself going over things in my head and working myself up to either being depressed, anxious or worried. Yet, this week I have spent probably 80% of my time on my own and shy of a few small examples of this, I have actually had a very nice, calming week. I'm caught up with everything, I'm relaxed, am able to relax more easily (which to me are two different achievements) and am generally feeling pleasantly content. I've picked up a few hobbies which were forgotten or pushed aside because studying and work came first, and am definitely enjoying my freedom.

Let's hope this lasts, as I sense it will be quite a quiet few months after the move!

Now write and post-date some Tasty Tuesday posts... I've done lots of baking in the last week and have a few to share with you all. If only I had my digital camera back.

Nothing.

This weekend (and in fact, from Thursday of last week on wards) I have done absolutely nothing of worth; I've sat and chilled out, listened to some new music, browsed the internet, cooked and baked, cleaned and then gone back to chilling out - and do I feel guilty? Not in the slightest!

You see, usually I choose to live my life at 100mph - if I have two hours spare in my day then I'll fill it with going to the gym, baking, cleaning, sorting, planning... anything at all to avoid having the dreaded 'nothing', and am completely incapable of relaxing for more than an hour at a time. It was something I was starting to worry about with the impending move, given that for the summer I will be skint and predominantly friendless, but actually, I think I just need to accept that sometimes having nothing to do is as valuable as having lots to do. I'm relaxed, I'm refreshed, I have the beginnings of a normal sleep pattern and I'm beginning to feel slightly less overwhelemed by the things in my life right now. And it's a lovely feeling, although I do love being busy, this is almost as nice too.

Though I suppose I am still slightly more occupied than usual, seeing as my Mum woke up yesterday pretty much paralysed from back pain which means I've taken over full reign of the house and the associated chores. It's a good job I like cleaning!

Now to get back to sitting in gorgeous sunshine of the garden... oh wait, I never left it! God bless wireless internet and my dinky netbook :)su