Autumn is upon us.

I hate autumn. Mainly because it means that summer is over and winter is fast approaching and I hate winter even more than I hate autumn.

I think winter is the marmite of the seasons, 'love it or hate it'. Some people love cold nights cuddled up on the sofa in a duvet, I just see it as being stuck indoors. Some people love being tucked up in bed listening to rain beat against the window, but it just keeps me awake. Some people love snow, I consider it pretty debilitating. And, let's be honest, not having a car this year is only going to make winter more miserable - after all, I can't escape the rain by nipping somewhere in the car, I have to walk in the rain, wait for buses in the rain and do my shopping in the rain.

Snowed in at my Nan's house last winter. And yes, that is a baking tray we used as a sledge. 

Plus, there is nothing more miserable than playground duty in the cold. It truly is one of the most depressing jobs, standing there with happy children running about, laughing and smiling whilst you stand there, huddled over a mug of tea (if you have a nice teaching assistant) and shivering into the collar of your biggest coat.

Although, actually, I do love my coat. And hats, scarves and boots. So I suppose that is one thing I love about autumn and winter.

But otherwise, it's bloody awful. Long nights which mean you go to work in the dark and get home in the dark, only going out in daylight during the weekend are, without a doubt, the symbol of depression. It makes getting up harder, it makes motivating yourself harder, it makes life in general more stressful because everyone is in a slightly worse mood. Christmas, too, is more of a stress than an enjoyable experience (money, family, having even more to do) and generally, it's a grotty time of year.

In case you can't tell, I'm not looking forward to the coming months. Least of all, Christmas...

The value of freedom.

At my school, we teach a values-based curriculum, and this month our 'value of the month' is freedom. It's an interesting one to start on because surely freedom means different things to different people? Freedom to the children in my class would mean very different things to children in a less economically developed country but this is really hard for my children to understand - freedom to them involves being able to play whenever they want to and not having to do things at school that they hate.

But actually, it's a fine line.

Am I any less free because I have to go to work? Are the children in my class any less free because if they step one toe out of line (yes, I'm being a demon teacher at the moment) they get told off? Does that compromise our freedom or do we simply have to balance freedom with responsibility in order to appreciate it? Or do we have to keep our responsibilities because it contributes to living in a free country where we are free to make our own life choices?

And who controls our freedom? Even as an adult I don't feel 'free' because I have senior management going on about planning, I spend all of my 'free time' doing paperwork and can't do what I want at the weekend because I have no money. So, to get even deeper, if I didn't go to work and earned money, how much freedom would I actually have? Not much, I reckon, because despite being a 'free country', it's actually an expensive world. My choices are limited and to be truly free from everything, I think, would be impossible.

Any thoughts?

My first day has been and gone...

Twelve hours, three panic attacks later and having sat and cried for at least two hours at various points throughout the day and evening, my first day as an actual teacher is over.

It was awful. I forgot the one thing I really, desperately needed to remember.

Plus, my class are... challenging. To say the least.

And I'm overwhelmed and don't think I can actually do it. There's so much to remember, so much to do and the teaching bit of things seems to take up such a small part of the day and is almost 'that annoying thing you do between paperwork'. Teaching really is the easy bit, and I never thought I'd say that.

Anyway, back to the marking. And target setting (despite not knowing the kids or even their names yet). And lesson resourcing. And lesson planning for next week. And tracking. And sorting out my NQT file. Maybe I'll just curl up in the foetal position instead.

Shit.

Is there anyone else with any "awful first day" stories to share? I could do with the "you're not alone" sense of camaraderie which I get from my lovely readers...

Tasty Tuesday

I've been waiting for a chance to whip up a big batch of this to photograph and share with you all. It's a recipe which has been in my family since my Nan first heard about "exotic Mexican food" (oh how times have changed!) and is, guaranteed, the nicest chilli recipe you will find. Plus, it's cheap and yummy, what more could you want?!

Again, please excuse my photography. No excuse this time, I'm just dreadful. 

Chilli con Carne

Serves 4-6

Ingredients

1 large onion (or 2 medium), diced

1 large clove of garlic, crushed

500g minced beef (or quorn alternative)

2 tins of chopped tomatoes

3 teaspoons of hot chilli powder (or less to your taste)

1/2 teaspoon of cumin

2 tablespoons tomato puree

150ml of red wine

1 can of drained kidney beans.

1) Saute the onions and garlic in a large saucepan until softened (I use a stock pot for this).

2) Add the mince and cook until brown, stirring to break up the lumps.

3) Add the tomatoes with their juice and a quarter of a can worth of boiling water. Bring all to the boil and then let simmer for 40 minutes, stirring occasionally.

4) Mix the chilli powder, cumin and tomato puree with a couple of spoonfuls of the hot tomato/meat mix. Stir until smooth and add to the meat. Then add the red wine and season lightly. Stir, cover and let simmer for a further 45 minutes.

5) Serve and enjoy! 

Lovely with tortilla chips or a sliced tortilla wrap, rice or a jacket potato and a big dollop of creme fraiche.

This also freezes well, so cook up a batch and freeze what you don't eat. Then simply defrost on the day you wish to eat it and chuck it back in a saucepan and heat through. 

Notting Hill Carnival

Yesterday, me and a friend from university (who also moved to London recently) hit the Notting Hill Carnival. Neither of us had been before and it was, well, amazing!

This was the exact reason I moved to London.

When we first got there, we kind of followed the route around having a dance and generally joining in with whatever we went past. Some of the floats were interesting to say the least, some were beyond bizarre

Then after about 3pm, it really got going and we found this absolutely insane rave going on in  a school playground:

I realise this looks like more of a squish than a rave, but it was.

And it was absolutely brilliant! We raved there for a while before we went for another wander, ended up joining in with another two different raves which had just pitched up on a couple of street corners before we headed back to the school-yard rave until it started to get dark and wind down.

So, how would I sum up the day? If you ever get the chance, GO! It was absolutely amazing, there's no structure or plan so don't try to have one, just turn up and roll with it. You'll meet some amazing people, dance to some amazing music, stuff your face with some amazing food and generally rave like you have never raved before with a different party on every corner.

Can't wait until next year!

Some secrets are best kept hidden.

I've been with my boyfriend for about six weeks now and he does not, nor will he ever find out about this blog.

I don't mean it  in a harsh way, and I will never say anything here about him that I wouldn't say to his face but sometimes, just sometimes, it's nice to have somewhere to vent something.

Like today. I posted a vague tweet earlier in which I said I wanted to go home. Why did I say that? Because yesterday and today I am bloody homesick for Devon and Plymouth. It's not because I'm unhappy here, it's just because I miss it because it's beautiful and calm and I really want to go and sit on a beach right now and then pop to my Grandma's to watch X-Factor.

But even so much as mentioning it in passing and I get a full-blown inquisition and it is then decided that I absolutely must be very depressed or that I am not happy in my relationship.

Actually, I just miss my family and being at home. Nothing personal, no imminent signs of depression and nothing unusual or odd about missing friends and family and being jealous because I can see all my Plymouth friends are going on a night out tonight and I can't go.

Yet I get grilled about it and forced to talk about it for hours, which I don't want to do. It's not a big deal, it really isn't.

So for those moments, I'm glad I have my blog and I will strive to keep this little thing going as long as possible to keep me sane during these exact moments.

If you read this and help me keep this going, then thank you.

In other news, I'm off to the Notting Hill Carnival tomorrow. Any words of advice as to what to check out, let me know, though I'm sure it will be a great day regardless. Can't wait!

New routines.

I have a desperate need to have a routine. When my boyfriend is here or I stay at his, I can cope out of my routine for three days absolute maximum before I start getting anxious so it's been great over the last couple of days to settle, finally, into a routine again. It's just mornings really, at night other than turning the lights off and snuggling with a cup of tea for half an hour before bed time, I tend to do whatever takes my fancy but in the mornings, if I'm not in my routine, I tend to spend lots of time fussing and faffing before getting nothing done. Then I get anxious.

And lie-ins stress me out anyway, they are such a waste of a day and this really bothers me during the holidays. Clearly I am weird for thinking this but give me an early night and an early morning any day.

So this morning I started over, set an alarm and despite it being the school holidays, got up as if it were a school day.

This is every weekday morning for the rest of the year:

6:30 - wake up
6:45 - wash, get dressed and straighten hair
7:00 - take vitamins with a glass of orange juice whilst the kettle boils to make a cup of tea. Prepare breakfast whilst tea is brewing. Eat breakfast, sit and chill with a cup of tea and some breakfast telly.
7:20 - clean teeth and (if bothering) put on makeup
7:35 - walk to school
7:45 - arrive at school

I then finally got home from school at 7pm. For the fourth day in a row, and the eighth day in total for the holidays.

Didn't someone once tell me teachers get 6 weeks holiday a year? Who are these mythical teachers and where can I get their job...