Everyone seems to be blogging these days. Although I don’t like to think of myself as one to ‘copy’ others, it’s impossible to deny that I am somewhat jumping on the bandwagon. But sometimes, you need somewhere to unravel the goings on in your head, and this is what brought me to seek solace in a public blog, rather than my private 'diary'. I used to blog an awful lot when I was a stereotypical angst-ridden teenager (although I probably shouldn’t lump despression and anorexia into that umbrella) and this was mostly due to loneliness. You see, I wasn’t a popular girl, nor was I pretty or confident. I was at best one of those ‘average’ children, never doing anything bad or good enough to be of any note or worth. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point in my life.
Indeed, I used to spend hours every day daydreaming about what life would be like when I was older. “When I move out”, “when I have a boyfriend” and “when I am at university” were the common structure to my almost obsessive hopes and dreams. It does make me proud, however, to be here now, still sat on the same bed in the same house with the same flaws, but instead, am happy and confident about myself and my life. I think that’s the most amazing thing about how much I’ve changed in my three years at university (and it is this journey to which I attribute most of my change), because I haven’t really changed. The only thing that had to change was my attitude about my life, and rather than wallowing in self pity and waiting for life to happen to me, about a year ago I stepped out into the world and decided that I would make my own future and decide my own fate. I’m now sat here, in my final year at university as an almost qualified primary school teacher with my own class waiting for me on September 7th, single, starting to plan my move to London. My escape is finally nigh, and not because I want to escape my life, but because I want to finally lay the past to rest. I finally have my dream job, in my dream location, with freedom and possibilities the 16-year-old myspace blogger could never have even dreamed of.
So why am I blogging again? It’s to chart the next few years of my life, the ups and the downs, and to explore the new version of myself that I am now and am still yet to become. I’m really looking forward to the next few years and know that it will be everything I want it to be, if I make it mine.